Here’s the deal…

I’m always an actor/comedian first. Always. I moved out here from Chicago to do just that. Not ask if you ‘want a straw with that?’

So..

I have had my ups and downs with this crazy business of show. Mainly downs. Anyone here in LA (not just actors) will tell you that rejection is breakfast, Lunch, Dinner & protein-shake out here. The ups are rare and those who have passion can push through the rough spots. I stumble from time to time…but:

I have a decided heart. I know that this is my dharma. I cannot picture myself doing anything else.

I came to work one day after losing gig I was called back to twice! That was a rough rough loss. Had I got that gig, the ad would not only have played in Europe where I would had to have been flown in to film it, but it would have paid enough for me to not work for two years in Los Angeles. Again, it was a rough rough loss. And here I was wearing an apron, holding a cash register and what little pride I had left. At my work I have two managers. One manager talked to me and knew what I’d been through.

“Don’t worry, Mat. Keep on doing this and eventually good things will happen. Never give up. Just keep on trying.”

This is what was usually said to me when I was in one of these moods.

“I know.” I said. “I just need to keep on this path and keep my faith.”

What was said next, was said by my other manager.

“…and you’ll keep on trying and trying and eventually…you’ll fail. You’ll fail and come crawling back to us and we’ll have to take you back because you’re such a nice guy. Think about it. If it hasn’t happened by now, it’s not going to. Seriously. Face it, Mat. You’re a ‘lifer’ here.

Yes. She said this. Believe me, she’s said a lot worse to me in the past than this. Somehow, today, it stung.

No. She was not joking.

The next thing I knew, I had quit my job of almost 9 years. Actually, I should thank her now that I think of it…

I have never been so scared/thrilled in my life. I don’t know what’s going to happen. I’m with the other 99% looking in Craigslist for a job as a bartender. I have been able to wangle some gigs bartending for a staffing company who does many high end events. I financially now make a nanometer of a fraction’s fraction of what I used to make but it’s okay…for now. I hold onto that hope and knowledge in my heart that everything happens for a reason. Even the bad shit. It all spends the same. I hope whoever you are reading this, that you are happy. That your life is a life worth living and filled with no regret. I’m on the other side of this screen …well… living. I’m traveling down life’s river on an inner tube. Waiting to see what happens next. Expecting good things. I know I’m in a rapid patch, but the river is headed to a good place. I just has to.

I just has to.

Take care.

Stay dutch,

M@