“I’m a goofy drunk bro, so don’t fucking piss me off.” #OverheardAtTheBar
#OverheardAtTheBar “This bitch keeps asking for ice cream! We don’t have any! So gave her a glass of cream with some ice in it.”
“This sucks. Who thought this would be interesting?”
-13 year old on a wedding video #OverheardAtTheBar
Her: Grey Goose on the Rocks in a kid’s cup, please.
Me: You’re kidding, right?
Her: I feel young today. #OverheardAtTheBar
Me:Sorry we’re out. Dr Pepper?
Him:Wow. You just suggested something that tastes nothing like what I want. #OverheardAtTheBar
Him: I’ll have a Mojito.
Her: I’ll have a Jack & Coke.
Him: What’s your name?
Her: Sorry, you lost me at Mojito. #OverheardAtTheBar #OhSnap
So when I bartend there are a couple things that happen… Sometimes I’ll sit back and wait for the speeches to be done before I get busy pouring drinks again or…sometimes I’ll do my restocking to get ready for the next hit or …sometimes I’m helping the food runners or the servers themselves.
Tonight, I decided that I would sit back and wait for the speeches to be done.
Thank God I did.
What I heard was a father’s speech to his son on his 60th birthday. To set the stage- his whole family and friends are there, all very fun, loud, Jewish and its an 80 people plus family affair….with open bar.
The father began saying:
“Well son you’re 60 years old, I remember it just like it was yesterday you were born at uh..Bethesda Hospital (“No it wasn’t! It was the Shriners Hospital!” says the mother) Oh yeah, sure sure. I remember just like it was yesterday. You’re smart handsome little boy that ran around all over the damn place and it wasn’t before long that you grew up. Well yeah you grew up and went to college and all that sort of stuff and then well.. One day you finally came out and you told me that you were gay.
I thought “Oy this is going to be… this is going to be rough I can’t believe this.” I thought all my other friends had sons who weren’t gay why did my own son have to be a gay? I did make some uh..I mean, I made some horrible jokes in the past.. I uh, I think we all know them and in fact, I’m reminded of one right now- it’s a terrible one (at this point the son shouted “Don’t tell that one dad!” and the dad said “I told you!” to which the son replied “That was different.”) Anyhow, to cope with having a son, my son, who was a gay I uh.. I bought a book about it and; can I tell you that it was the worst book I’ve ever read in my life? I mean it had these pictures and ugh Jesus! … So… I told myself: “Alright Moishe, if it ever gets too uh..weird, I’ll say something and really have it out with him.” So.. after 40 years …I’m still waiting for it to get weird and I found in waiting only one thing… it never got weird! And you know what? I don’t think it ever will. Ha ha! Can you believe that? Waiting forty years for this dumb thing that’s never going to occur…. Sheesh. So since its never gonna be weird, I’m gonna say something and have it out with you right now…
I love you.
I love you and have never been more proud of you.
If I ever had to do it all over again I wouldn’t change a damn thing that damn thing.
Well, except for that time you brought home that fella what was his name…? I think it was David? That guy..(At this point the son shouts: “Oh my God! I can’t believe you remember his name!” to which his mom responds: “We’re Jewish! We remember everything!”) So, here’s to you on your 60th birthday, Charlie. And to me for seeing in 40 years that the only thing that was weird, was…was me.”
With that, the son got up and embraced his father amidst cheers, clapping and the clinks of glasses.
I was going to say something poignant, but it’s unnecessary. Besides, I have to go muddle mint for a Mojito.
Her: Who the fuck are The Commodores?
Him: Leave. Now.
-Gal watching National Lampoon’s ‘Vacation’ & bartender’s reply. #OverheardAtTheBar